She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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