3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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