Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
