so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
