He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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