omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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