just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Randomize
