Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
