wrigley field is MILF paradise
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
