I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
