There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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