he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
