My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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