I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
