I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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