just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
