a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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