I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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