I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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