I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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