is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
