She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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