I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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