Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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