i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
