Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
