I looked at my own cervix.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
So apparently I’m into choking now
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