Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
