Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
