I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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