dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
