Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
