Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
