I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
