you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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