Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
