No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
