youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
