So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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