Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
