Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
