I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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