paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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