Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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