i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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