Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
