You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
