I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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