I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
