I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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