How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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