Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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