I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you will always have a special place in my vag
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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