Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
