i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
